“I may be done with my treatments, but I’m not done healing.”
I had this assumption that once I was done with my treatments in August, I would just feel better… Feel like myself again. In reality, I do feel better in some ways, but not in others, and the process has been slow. I have my really good days, but I still have some tough days. Honestly, treatments have left my mind and body in a bit of a jumble. Part of it has to do with not being in the cancer routine anymore. Going through treatments were made somewhat mentally manageable because I was in a routine. I knew what I had to do every day and every week and I knew what all my potential side effects would be. That helped me to feel prepared when dealing with new issues as my treatments went along. Now, my appointments are few and far between. This is a good thing, but I’m still getting used to a somewhat “normal” life.
Healing from cancer is truly a physical and mental process… And it’s very personal. I’m not so much worried about a recurrence, but more the state my body and mind will continue to be in. I feel like I’ve lost a little bit of control. All my emotions bubble up randomly and are more heightened: Anxiety, sadness, happiness, fear… Along with my emotions being all over the place, so is my appetite and fatigue. I feel like I’m always hungry where I barely had an appetite during treatments. And now that it’s winter, I’ve been more tired and less motivated to work out since it’s too cold to go outside and run. I’d rather just curl up on the couch and watch TV!
I think the most important thing in healing is to remind yourself to listen to your mind and body. To give yourself a break, but to also push yourself to work harder. Focus on the things that you really love to do without overwhelming yourself. Finding a balance can be difficult, but it’s something that I need to strive for and I hope you can, too!
My 2018 focus items: writing/blogging, running/working out more, eating healthier, singing/performing, podcasting, and spending my time wisely! What will yours be?
Happy new year to you all! And a sincere thank you to all who have taken the time to read my blog. I wish you a year of hope, healing, support, and friendship!
Up next: Episode 11: Support